The Technology Of Talk
DEAL AND COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE EFFECTIVELY
9 Humans have been attempting to improve and refine communication since our cave-dwelling ancestors presumably graduated from grunts and groans to words.
With the array of ways that we now communicate virtually — complete online lives and worlds — “we need to learn to . . . communicate differently to survive in this brave new digital world,” wrote Nick Morgan, author of “Can You Hear Me? How To Connect With People In A Virtual World.”
Morgan is a communications coach with Fortune 50 clients. His blog reaches over 100,000 readers per month.
Tips on making sure nothing is lost in translation in today’s business climate:
Set time parameters. Never let an audio/remote or virtual meeting go longer than 10 minutes without a break, Morgan says. “Our attentions are not as engaged virtually, and we lose interest more quickly. Try for a nine-minute virtual meeting!”
In addition, make sure everyone has a chance to participate. “Trying to run the same meeting virtually that you used to run face to face in a meeting room won’t work,” he said.
Engagement is critical because with the amount of remote and virtual workers increasing all the time, “the less likely they are to feel engaged with the mission of their organization,” Morgan adds.
Ensure comprehension. Assume that you are misunderstanding most of your emails, Morgan says, and that your recipients are misunderstanding most of what you send them.
He says research shows that the misunderstanding rate for textbased messages is 60% or more. “So add a one-sentence headline at the beginning of each email or text saying, ‘this is what this email is about and what I mean by it.’ “
Similarly, don’t assume that on an audio conference silence implies agreement or consent. “In person, we can watch people react, and think,” Morgan said. “We give each other up to six seconds to respond before the silence gets uncomfortable.”
Err on the side of caution. Verify anything you’re unsure of.
Lastly, end every virtual conversation by asking, “How did what I just said make you feel?” Then give the other people time and respect enough to hear their answers.
Probe. Listen better by asking questions.
“We have heard of active listening and of questions to clarify that what you hear is what the speaker intended to say,” said David Hiatt, author of “From the Board Room To The Living Room: Communicate With Skill for Positive Outcomes.”
He adds that the other person will feel listened to when you ask more informational and engagement questions and answer any of theirs.
“Oddly enough, to listen effectively you need to truly do some talking,” he wrote. “You talk when you ask clarifying or confirming questions.”
Hiatt is also International Training Director for Sandler Training, a consulting company.
Agree to agree. Reach a mutual accord about the desired outcome at the beginning of a conversation or meeting, especially virtual ones.
“When there is a goal at the end, you have an outcome to be achieved,” Hiatt said. “It can be as simple as deciding whether we solved the problem or if we need future meetings.”
Stay A.D.U.L.T. That’s Hiatt’s acronym, which stands for:
Acknowledge the opinion of others.
Demand nothing in return for listening to them.
Understand the other person as best you are able.
Let go of your need to always be right and be open minded to the ideas of others.
Time is valuable, but still take the time to engage in meaningful faceto-face conversations when possible.
Use empowering language. Hiatt offers these examples:
“You should,” is judgmental. But “You may find more value in,” is helpful.
“You’re wrong about,” is judgmental. “Your perspective might change if,” is helpful.
“Listen to me,” is judgmental. “May I suggest,” is helpful.
Write right. Even when just emailing and texting, none of that relieves us of actually having to write properly, Morgan says.
Fundamentally good writing still needs authenticity, empathy, a clear point of view “and grace of expression,” .
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