The Ultimate Guide to Empathy Skills That Help You Connect With People Over the Phone
It is said that empathy is the ability to understand, feel, and share what another person is experiencing. Why does it seem that some people lack the capacity to empathize? Is it simply because they don’t care? Well, maybe.
Or, possibly it’s because they don’t know how to be empathetic. Perhaps, people can’t be empathetic because they themselves haven’t experienced the joys (or pains) of someone being empathetic with them.
So, perhaps they do care. But maybe they just don’t know how to verbalize it. And, because of this, they appear to disregard what they hear because of their lack of speech or acknowledgment. Or, they just happen to use a poor choice of words when they’re communicating.
Empathy to me is the ability to recognize someone else’s emotions and allowing yourself to feel those emotions with that person.
Empathy is a deep, heartfelt emotion that exists within all of us. Some people have a harder time either recognizing that it’s appropriate to have or recognizing when it needs to be conveyed and how to do that. Because without the words, the other person may not know that you understand their feelings.
Why Is Empathy Important?
When it comes to learning empathy, I’ve found that in both my personal and professional experience that empathy runs deep when it comes to the human connection. Being connected to others is what drives many of life’s biggest moments. The old adage is true; People want to feel important.
No matter who the person is or where they came from, everyone deep down wants to feel valued and a part of something. Appreciation, significance, being heard in its truest form all points to wanting to be cared about.
Even more so, we want others to react and respond appropriately to us after sharing news whether that news is good or bad. I know I don’t want anyone to burst my bubble, nor make light of something that upset me.
Empathy is connecting through those shared feelings and emotions. When responded adequately we feel the connection with the other person through our shared experience, thoughts, and concerns. And, when we’re connected in that way, we’re setting ourselves up for better relationships.
Connecting with other people is what grows relationships. No empathy? No connection. No connection? It’s these connections that build trust. If there is no trust then there is no relationship worth having.
Breaking the Empathy Stigma: Feeling Only Sadness for Someone
It seems more often than not when the word “empathy” is used it provokes thoughts of being able to feel sorry for someone. In all actuality, being empathetic can go either way on the happy to sad spectrum. This is because empathy is often confused with a similar-sounding word, sympathy. Which, in actual fact, means to have feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune. But that’s another ballpark entirely. And, we’ll cover that shortly.
This confusion about empathy happens constantly! Whether we’re at work or at home. If something has happened and we’re explaining it to a friend, per se, and our friend says “Be empathetic!”, it’s usually because they’re telling us this as if we should be feeling sorry for someone else. Or, to imply that we should cut them some slack.
Continuing to hear this stigma only perpetuates the thought to identify the word “empathy” with sadness and pity.
A great rule of thumb to practice when someone shares exciting news with you, acknowledge how great, fun, or exciting it is, and notice the reaction from the other person and how they are encouraged by your added engagement especially when they can see or hear how happy you are for them.
Just like with any new habit, as you continue doing this, you’ll break your own stigma about what empathy really means and you’ll be connecting with people on a more elevated level.
Why Empathy is Different from Sympathy
Ok, we’ve talked about empathy and it is clear that it means being able to share the same emotions with someone else. Again, we must stress that nowhere in any dictionary (or online resource) will it say that empathy means you’re feeling sorry for someone. Whereas I mentioned earlier in this content, sympathy does.
Sympathy does in fact relate to sorrow and being able to feel it towards someone else. Sympathy is about caring for what someone is going through. Empathy is feeling what someone is going through. It’s a rather BIG difference here!
Even the tone you use is different when being sympathetic from being empathetic. A sympathetic tone has more of an acknowledging kind of ring to it. Which yes, should be present at the very least. But just an acknowledgment doesn’t give the receiver any real confirmation that the person giving them the acknowledgment truly feels for them and their circumstances.
An empathetic tone just simply has more feeling to it. A real, genuine sound that lets the receiver know that you really understand what they’re going through. Or, that you’re doing you’re very best to understand what they’re going through. An important thing to remember when practicing empathy is that everyone’s situation is specific to them. It’s not always easy trying to relate another situation to one of your own personal experiences. Sometimes you might simply not be able to relate. And, that’s okay.
Let’s use a few examples to get a better understanding of the differences between conversing feelings of empathy and sympathy. Say your close friend’s dog had to be put down due to a chronic illness. Now, you’ve never owned a dog nor have ever felt the hurt of losing one through a slow and painful decline caused by a recurring illness. A sympathetic statement would be “It’s sad to hear that.” Yes, …it is sad. You know this. I know this. We ALL know this! And, this statement just says what we all already know. It’s just an acknowledgment.
An empathetic statement for this same person could be “I’m so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you’re going through right now.” It’s a completely genuine statement. Just because they haven’t lost a pet doesn’t mean they can’t at least try to relate to their friend’s feelings and loss. Also, acknowledging the fact that they can “only imagine” their friend’s pain shows complete honesty with their friend about their perspective of the situation. And, honesty is the framework of a truly genuine picture.
Now, let’s say you have owned a dog, aka “fur baby”, and have had to feel the pain of their life lost. Having this relationship with your friend will automatically help you with expressing empathy. It’s always easier when you can relate.
Another example of an empathetic statement would be “I’m so sorry. I understand what you’re feeling right now. I too have lost a beloved pet. It’s so hard.” This is a truly genuine reflection of your friend’s feeling of loss for their cherished pet. And, by the way, when you do have this kind of reflection with someone you really do feel it! Just saying it aloud can bring all of those feelings back up. Some might even be inclined to cry with their friend over their loss.
Empathy connects you two. And your friend will feel comforted knowing you share the pain with them.
Why Is Empathy Important Over the
